Seeds of Sadness
by Morgan D.

"Have more pie, Hiei-chan."

Kurama shook his head, once again bewildered by the weird scene before him. Definitely weird, he decided, and yet more and more familiar as time passed by.

Under Shiori's gentle nagging, Hiei, in a vivid yellow cotton T-shirt, smiled in a shy, greedy way and went for his fourth serving of her chocolate almond rum pie. To get even, Kurama refilled his cup with black coffee. As things were going, he'd need lots of caffeine to handle a sugar-high Hiei that night. He knew his mother had the best intentions only, but she was driving both of them into very troubling habits...

Shiori spent every Saturday afternoon with them since Kurama had moved in with Hiei to that rented apartment, two blocks away from Yusuke's. She would always bring pies, cakes, doughnuts or cookies, Kurama would make coffee for himself, apple tea for her and hot cocoa for Hiei, and they would update the family gossip.

"Kaasan, is the cyclamen any better?" he asked. Kurama had noticed the withering plant in his mother's garden when he and Hiei paid her a visit three weeks before. He had managed to infuse a little of his you-ki in the pale lifeless leaves when no one was looking, but he feared he had been already too late.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," she exclaimed. "It bloomed again! You must come and see for yourself, Shuu-chan. It just exploded in flowers. The neighbors keep asking me how I managed to have the only flowered cyclamen in our street."

Ooops! Maybe I exaggerated in the ki charge... "That's great, Kaasan."

"I told them it was you," she emended with a broad smile.

Kurama almost spilled coffee all over his lap as shock reached his hands. "Me?"

But Hiei had a mischievous grin on his face. "I told her, Fox."

Told her?! Told her what? That he was a demon who held power over all kinds of vegetables? Kurama tried hard to calm down. Hiei wouldn't blow his cover like that.

Shiori reached out to pat Kurama's knee. "Yes, he told me you spent time tending and talking to the cyclamen that Sunday. You always had a way with plants, musuko. They seem to be happier when you're around. My garden hasn't been the same since you moved out."

Kurama suppressed a sigh. "Don't be silly, Kaasan. It probably was just the weather changing."

"Nah," Hiei snorted, his words muffled by the big bites of pie he was trying to munch while speaking at the same time. "It was him for sure. See the vases in the balcony?" He pointed to the glass door that separated the living-room from the luxurious multicolored forest kept in that tiny cubicle. "He did that all by himself. He plays magic with plants."

Shiori's face shone with pride and joy as she stood up to get a closer look at her son's wonderful achievement. Kurama was dumbfounded. Hiei had done it again. The Fire Demon had never hid his annoyance at Kurama's urge for secrecy, even if he had a mysterious past himself and his own large pack of secrets he kept from people. Inari-sama, he STILL hasn't told Yukina the truth!!! But he had a clear policy on secrets: either you tell the truth or you just don't tell. Lies are difficult to handle and very likely to get out of control. Distant and isolated as he had always been, Hiei never had to build up the awesome mosaic of lies Kurama erected around himself to put his family and his Youko persona safely apart.

When he decided to introduce Hiei to his family as his "boyfriend", Kurama had tried to enclose him under that same veil of deception, teaching him the most important stories he used to cover up his abilities, his sudden disappearances and his activities as a Reikai Tantei. He also suggested a fake past to justify Hiei's lack of a family, home or job, the permanent wards in his arm, and his coming into Shuuichi Minamino's life. But Hiei failed in all rehearsals Kurama had imposed on him, and since Hiei was blessed - or cursed - with a perfect memory, the Youko soon comprehended that his stubborn lover was doing it on purpose. The half-koorime would have things his way, as always, as he just hated to be ordered around.

At the first family dinner Kurama invited Hiei to, the Youko saw all his lies swiftly crumbling down. Hiei managed to tell his parents everything. He was orphaned as soon as he was born and abandoned by his people. He lived out of town, where he had a job working as some sort of assistant to this crippled old lady who owned this large length of land. He often came to town to render some services to her or visit some old companions, but mainly to see Kurama. He had suffered terrible burning injuries in his right arm some years ago, and it was necessary to keep it permanently bandaged to avoid worse consequences. He met Kurama when they were kids: Hiei mistook him for someone else and picked a fight, recoiling as he understood his error and being stunned when Kurama treated him so kindly afterwards, helping him to find the one he was looking for.

Hiei just had a way of saying lots without saying much, as his reserved manners didn't encourage a deeper prying from others. His family, especially his mother, sympathized with the boy's frankness, even more when he began to tell the stories Kurama had always denied her. Most of their adventures with the Urameshi Team emerged from the sealed chest where the Youko had shut them in, distorted by massive euphemisms and mollification, but still very much the truth. But I wonder what would be left of Hiei if Mukuro finds out he refers to her as a crippled old lady - even if she is more than a thousand years old...

Since Hiei refused categorically to call his mate by his ningen name, he was asked to explain why he called him "Kurama". The Youko had stepped in clumsily, babbling about a nickname inspired by the mountain near Kyoto, but Hiei cut him with a giggle. "Come on, Kurama, tell them the truth," he had said, and then started to portray the Youko Kurama's legend, the exciting tale of the fox-spirit who was the best thief of the Demon World, merciless and unbeatable. Kurama would pale then flush then pale again, in sheer panic. But Hiei would only smile, praising the Youko's intelligence, resourcefulness and exquisite beauty. "That's why his friends call him Kurama," Hiei concluded. "Because he IS Kurama." But of course his family wasn't prepared to accept - or even consider - the idea that Shuuichi Minamino could be anything beyond a nice good-looking bright young man, and of course Hiei knew that.

"It's a strange nickname," Shiori had mused at that time. "But it seems to fit my Shuu-chan."

"K-kaasan!" Kurama gasped. "You think so?"

"Yeah, it's you, niisan," his stepbrother agreed playfully. "Best student of Meiou High, got all the girls in town drooling over you, and no one can beat you in sports or strategy games. I'll tell ya, it's hard to be a legend's little brother."

Kurama was speechless, and perhaps Kazuya had seen his embarrassment. "But I won't say Shuu-chan could ever be a merciless thief," he pointed out.

"Thanks, Tousan," Kurama sighed.

"But he is," Hiei insisted.

Now that DOES it, Kurama had thought, laying the chopsticks on the table, picturing a very nasty and hungry Makai plant strangling his lover's slender neck.

But Hiei had only smiled in a shy, loving way, whispering in such a low tone that the others had had to lean over the table to hear him. "He stole... lots of people's hearts."

Kurama knew Hiei stole Shiori's heart with that remark. And now Hiei was free to call him "Fox" any time, and Kurama didn't have to worry if Yusuke or Kuwabara forgot to use his ningen name when calling him on the phone. Even little Shuuichi started to call him Kurama. "So I can have my name only to myself," he had said.

Kurama took advantage as Shiori still contemplated his plants in the balcony and kicked Hiei's leg reproachfully. "I play magic with plants, you rotten little bastard?" he whispered.

Hiei smirked, chocolate cream sliding along his chin. "You think she never noticed, baka? I saw you toying with that bush and I thought something like that could happen. You're a lousy liar."

Kurama kicked harder. "No, I'm not!" Then he let his face smooth up in a loving, grateful gaze. "But you're so much better at storytelling..."

"Shuu-chan, this is so beautiful," Shiori came back to sit beside Hiei. "I wish Kazuya would see this."

Kurama couldn't help noticing the sudden distress in her voice. "Maybe Tousan will be able to come next week."

Shiori smiled sadly. Her new husband never said a single word against Kurama or his boyfriend. He never rebuked her son's sexual orientation, offering him the same warm treatment he always had, welcoming Hiei with extreme politeness and even some signs of affection, often inviting the couple to Sunday meals or family camping. But he also never entered their apartment, just as he would never step into Kurama's room when he still lived with them if Hiei was there. Kazuya Hatanaka was a gentle peaceful man who wouldn't scold anyone for his choices - except perhaps his own son, but he assumed that was his job as a parent.

And Kurama wasn't his son, no matter the fondness he felt about Shiori's boy. Kurama was a grown-up who didn't need a stepfather nosing into his business. Or that was how Kurama supposed his stepfather felt about him, since he insisted in keeping his opinions to himself. He could get laid with a herd of horses for all Kazuya cared; if that could be done without publicly dishonoring his family or corrupting his son's education, he still would not say a word.

But obviously he had a huge problem with Kurama's "style".

The Fire Demon licked his chocolate-smeared fingertips. "Just don't bring Shuuichi, Kaasan. He always tries to get my share of your pies."

Shiori laughed out loud, brushing a napkin to Hiei's chin to clean it up. "You know, he says the same about you, Hiei-chan."

Kurama marveled once again at seeing Hiei so at ease with his mother. She was the only one he allowed to call him "-chan". Kurama himself had had his sidelocks savagely pulled the first and last time he had tried that stunt. And teasing him for calling her "Kaasan" earned him a nice jab in the stomach. Why didn't I fall in love with a sweet little girl? the Youko complained to himself. Then he remembered sweet little Keiko and her devastating punches and winced.

Along the first three months after they had moved to the apartment, Shiori had managed to bring a different dish each Saturday. Kurama was quite amazed at her inventiveness, and couldn't help but nudge her the first time she repeated herself, bringing a butter cream chocolate fudge cake she had already made five weeks before. "Oh, but I thought Hiei-chan was a little upset yesterday when he answered the phone, so I brought him his favorite to cheer him up," she had explained.

Poor Hiei was speechless, so was Kurama. Hiei had surely devoured every candy Shiori had brought, but without offering any specific compliments, only the polite necessary thanks, and certainly not a hint of his preferences. And he had been in a real bad mood the previous day indeed: he had just returned from Makai after being wounded by a wicked dwarf carnivorous plant that bit the small of his back when he was distracted; the herbs Kurama had used to treat him caused some itching irritation on his skin; the Youko was busy in the kitchen when the phone rang, so he had to answer it and he just abhorred phones. Nonetheless, he surprisingly managed to say "moshi-moshi" in a quite civil, restrained tone. Hearing Shiori's voice from the tiny speaker, he just passed the phone to his lover without another word, who had run to the living-room, frightened by the idea of an irritated Fire Demon attending Shuuichi Minamino's social calls.

But Shiori didn't need more than that single emotionless "moshi-moshi" to catch Hiei's distress. And when Hiei asked how she knew that cake was his favorite, she answered with the frankest smile, "Well, your eyes told me." As if nothing could be more obvious.

"Thanks, Kaasan," Hiei had mumbled, coy and confused. And then he blushed furiously, realizing what he had just said. Kurama had never seen him so beautiful.

"You're very welcome, Hiei-chan," Shiori had answered, blinking tear-stricken eyes. In that moment Kurama learned he had lost his status of "favorite son" to his lover.

Hiei was Shiori's only real kid. Shuu-chan had been too distant and independent as a child, guarding the adult Youko Kurama within his tiny body. How despairing it must have been to Shiori, dealing with a baby who didn't want to be tended or spoiled, who felt ashamed of his weakling situation, frantic to return to his world and stronger former self. Only later had he learned to appreciate that ningen's amazing efforts to raise a child by herself after being widowed, and to protect her offspring from all danger, even at her own risk. Kurama watched the ugly scars that covered her arms and hands, remembering the very instant he had acceded to her devotion. But then it was already too late to give her back a real son.

And Shuuichi Hatanaka was a nice, kind boy, but one who sometimes felt betrayed by a cruel destiny that stuck him with this strange woman who wanted to take his real mother's place, telling what he could or couldn't do. Well, he's just a teen, Kurama pondered. And he would be a nice, kind boy more often than not.

But neither Shuuichi nor Kurama needed a mother. Hiei did. Badly.

And he just loved to be spoiled - nothing of that sort had ever happened in his childhood. He would relish Shiori's attention, devouring her cakes and candies, willingly dressing the colorful clothes she gave him, melting under her motherly fondling. He didn't mind the baby treatment, the "-chan", the sweet scowling he received for having his hair dismantled or his hands unclean, if he could dive into the enchanting warmth, the unconditional love her arms offered. Not even Kurama could give him this, and he was jealous. Of Hiei, of his mother, of the link he could witness but not touch.

Shiori finished cleaning Hiei's face and rubbed soft fingers on his cheek. "You're so sweet, Hiei-chan," she chuckled. "Want some more?"

"Nah, I'm stuffed."

"Don't bother, Kaasan," Kurama said. "He's going to wake up at three in the morning to assault the fridge. By morning there won't be a single bite left."

"Hiei-chan! You won't leave a slice to Shuu-chan?" she admonished.

"Hn," Hiei snorted. "Maybe a small one, if he begs."

The Youko scowled. "You keep eating like this and you're gonna end up a big fat whale."

"But he's so thin, my son." Shiori patted the small demon's belly, distressed at his slim waist.

"Lots of exercises," Hiei claimed.

Big understatement, but true enough, Kurama thought, picturing the hazardous hard training he received from Mukuro. "You still eat far too much sugar, Hiei. I'm seriously considering putting you on a diet."

"No way, Fox!"

"And first thing to be cut is the cocoa in your breakfast."

"Nooooo way!"

"Shuu-chan, what's wrong with cocoa? Lots of people drink cocoa for breakfast."

Kurama snorted. He knew Shiori would come to Hiei's rescue. "One cup, perhaps, a couple at least. But five?"

"Well, it's still healthier than all the coffee you drink, musuko."

Kurama bit his lip. His ears were burning red, and he crossed his arms stiffly, shutting his eyes in order to recover some reasonable thinking. I sound just like a baby, pouting like this. I should be a grown-up, in both my aspects. So what if she's taking his side? I never needed anyone to defend me!

"Oh, come on, Kaasan," Hiei soothed her. "Shuu-chan doesn't drink so much coffee as that..."

Shuu-chan? He called me Shuu-chan? Kurama was openmouthed. Things were getting weirder and weirder.

"And when he does, it's just because he's working the whole night through or something like that," he continued, sounding a lot more mature than he normally would around Shiori - a lot more like his usual self. "You know your son is very hard working, don't you? He won't sleep until a task is done."

Shiori melted again in her motherly pride, presenting Kurama with her warmest smile. "I know."

Kurama glanced at the Fire Demon, and saw the anxiety in his crimson eyes. Shuu-chan, your son, those were his words. And then Kurama understood that none of Hiei's changes, weird as they could seem, were really surprising. He had been granted a gift he had never dreamed to find. And it wasn't actually a lover, a mother, a family or a home. It was peace. He'd be forever a fighter in spirit, but now, here, in the dull and comfortable Ningenkai reality, he didn't need to fight. And he didn't want to. So, he gives me back my mother, before peace can be jeopardized. The deep red eyes held the worry of someone who carries a candle in a windy night, afraid of losing the feeble light to the whirling breeze.

Kurama lowered his eyes, smiling to himself. It won't be me to blow it, that's for sure, he promised. "Well, I'm not the one who wakes up before dawn to practice with the katana." Hiei's avalanche of truths had once brought up the subject of his swordsmanship, which was easily disguised as a fancy hobby. "Both your sons here are workaholics, I'm afraid, Kaasan."

Hiei relaxed visibly at his lover's comment, and anxiety was quickly replaced by loving gratitude.

"Oh, this is not good," Shiori worried. "You go to sleep late and he wakes up early? That's not appropriate for a couple."

Hiei blushed, suddenly taken between his mature and childish façade. And Kurama thanked her inwardly for accepting them as a normal couple so naturally. Especially since they weren't normal at all. Will Hiei tell her we seldom sleep more than four hours per night? 'Cause that's the truth...

"This was never a problem to us, Kaasan," Hiei mumbled, managing to look like an embarrassed teenager and an indignant man at the same time. Either way, Shiori got the message and let the subject drop.

She spent just a short half-hour more with them before returning to her own home, where she was supposed to make dinner for yet two other men. She hugged Kurama tenderly, and kissed Hiei's cheek while petting his hair, promising orange creamed ginger cookies for next Saturday, and left.

But as soon as the lift doors closed, Hiei's tranquil features darkened in a gloomy scowl. The half-koorime stuffed his hands in his pockets and returned to the apartment in mute, strained steps, avoiding Kurama's curious glance.

The Youko arched an eyebrow, confused. Suddenly the yellow outfit had seemed too bright, too large, too incongruent with the little Fire Demon. Of course, he would wear it for Shiori alone, and undress as soon as the door closed behind her. Kurama's most passionate pleading had only been rewarded with a dark red tank top for a single unforgettable night.

But this time he found Hiei standing in the balcony, looking down at the street, still wrapped in the lively fabric, which could easily be mistaken for a mourning garment as a thick cloak of melancholy weighed upon his small body.

Kurama approached his lover, alarmed at the sudden change in his behavior. Joy and restfulness had vanished, and a deep scowl took over his childlike features. Kurama stroke his narrow shoulders with light hands and could easily sense the muscles' stiffness under the fabric.

The Youko followed Hiei's worried staring and was not surprised when he found Shiori's slender figure walking down the street.

The Fire Demon crossed his arms on his chest. "Why must ningen's life be so short?" he asked in a barely audible whisper.

Kurama nuzzled the soft spiky hair, watching his mother disappear behind a passing bus. This was his Hiei, the young youkai he had met all those years ago, just a few years ago - because your perception of time could be somewhat disturbed when you're both a human in your twenties and a millenary youko. This was the out-cast half-koorime he knew, with his little brave heart shattered beyond repair by pain, betrayal and despise. This was the wounded bitter soul hidden behind the fulminating swordsman Yusuke and Kuwabara knew as their teammate. This was the chagrined spirit who managed to master the dreadful Black Dragon with his strength, courage, determination, and of course, stupidity and complete lack of self-esteem - or else he would never have tried such a dangerous trick.

This was the Forbidden Child who would face life with perennial mistrust and the brutal certainty that, in the end, pain would be his only legacy, and every single moment of joy only concealed the seeds of sadness.

Kurama brought himself closer to the Fire Demon, wrapping his arms tightly around his small body, wondering what he could say to ease his lover's tension. The same thought had occurred to him several times, but he had always discarded it as an annoying mosquito buzzing over his head. Shiori was getting old. A few decades, maybe less, as her health had already failed her once, and she would be gone. They would be, both Kurama and Hiei, orphaned for a second time.

I had the Mirror of Utter Dark in my hands. Why didn't I wish for her to live forever? But he had asked for her happiness. And sometimes he wondered if that wasn't the reason, along with Yusuke's interference, that caused the mirror to spare his life. He wondered if that wasn't what brought Kazuya to her. He wondered if her happiness wasn't in having the chance of being a real mother, thus Hiei have entered his life, and hers.

I asked for her happiness, not mine. Immortality is a heavy burden, and his mother never wished for much. I'm gonna lose her someday, and this time I won't be able to trick Fate. He kissed his lover's nape very softly. That was probably Hiei's deepest belief: Fate can't be avoided, at least not forever.

Kurama closed his eyes, breathing in the strong pine scent of the youkai's hair. He had to say something; he needed to soothe Hiei and himself, to find an anchor to keep them safe of Fate's swirling waters. I could tell him I'll be here for him, Kurama mused. I could assure him I'm gonna take care of him forever, so none of us will ever face loneliness again. Shiori was THEIR mother now, and they would be sharing their loss together.

But if there was something long-living beings like them knew all too well was that "forever" was such a big presumptuous word. It was very nice to say and hear: "we'll be together forever", but would they, really? What could possibly endure for eternity? Their lives? Very unlikely. Their love?

Inari, I want it to last. I want to be with him, I want to want to be with him. Hiei deserved that. But would he be able to do it, to give up all his youko lustful instincts and commit his whole life, his millenary life, to one person alone?

And how long would Hiei really need him? When Shiori's gone and he loses his new foster family, will he still care for that stupid Fox of his? If he ever gets to tell Yukina the truth and regain what's left of his real family, would his urge for love be sated? How much of their relationship was sustained by Hiei's dejected broken heart? Once he let go of his past, would Kurama still have some importance to him?

Before merging into Shuuichi Minamino's body, time never bothered him. And for twenty years he had acted as if it still didn't.

I'm a lousy liar, Kurama thought.

He pulled Hiei tighter to him, sliding his fingers through the white starburst and bringing the youkai's head to rest on his shoulder. The somber crimson eyes turned to face him earnestly, searching for an answer to his unspoken questions, looking for shelter and comfort. Kurama opened his mouth, tons of loving promises hanging on his lips.

Either you tell the truth or you just don't tell.

Kurama kissed him sweetly over his warded jagan. "Let's go to bed, itooshi."