Playboy Mommy
by Zoe Sionnach
YYH property of Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Pierrot, Jump Comics et. al.
In my platforms
I hit the floor
fell face down
didn't help my brain out
Yeah, I know. I’m drunk again. I’m always drunk. I think Yuusuke thinks it’s my natural state, and he’s probably right, you know? Well, tonight it’s a bit different.
Tonight, it’s all about you.
then the baby came
before I found
the magic how
to keep her happy
Contrary to popular belief, I never drank before... before you. I was stone cold sober while I was pregnant with Yuusuke. You didn’t know that, did you? No, of course not. You look at me now and you assume this is how I always was. Young people are like that – you think adulthood is an eternally unchanging state. That we were born as adults and we’ll die that way... fixed in the states we were born in. I really should introduce you to some of Yuusuke’s friends; they’d cure you of that notion real quick.
I never was the fantasy
of what you want
wanted me to be
No, of course I’m not saying I’m perfect! I know damned well what a screw-up I am. Pregnant at fourteen, hell, I know how stupid I was. Not that he was any better... in fact, you could argue that he was a damn sight worse, taking advantage of an underaged girl like that. But at least I took some responsibility for my actions – I TRIED to do right! Doesn’t that count for anything? Just because I’m not a Super Perfect Okaasan like Hatanaka Shiori doesn’t mean I didn’t at least try to give it my best shot.
Don't judge me so harsh little girl
so you got a playboy mommy
but when you tell em my name
and you want to cross that
Bridge all on your own
Not that I don’t blame you for not sticking around, but you could at least have made an effort. I mean, I’m not THAT bad, am I?
Yeah, you’re right. I guess I am. I can see where you wouldn’t want to be around a drunken whore like me.
little girl they'll do you no harm
cause they know
Your playboy mommy
but when you tell em my name
from here to Birmingham I got a few friends
I know... I sleep around entirely too much. But it takes the pain away sometimes, you know? And they’re not all bad guys – some of ‘em are real sweethearts. Then again, that could just be the booze talking.
I never was there was there when it counts
I get my way
you're so like me
you seemed ashamed
ashamed that I was
a good friend of American soldiers
It’s been real rough on Yuusuke though, growing up with me for a mom. He puts up with my drinking and sleeping around, but I know it bothers him. I just wish I knew why I can’t stop. No, that’s not quite it... I KNOW why I can’t stop. It’s because the alternative – facing up to... everything... to you – is simply too much. Just like you couldn’t face up to it. Isn’t that why you’re not here now?
Still, Yuusuke’s a good kid, in spite of himself... in spite of me. I know Keiko-chan and her family have had a lot to do with it; they give him the stability he doesn’t get from me. But some of it is good old-fashioned stubbornness, too. Did you know he’s died twice now? And he came back both times! Honestly, he’s just like I was, once upon a time – too stubborn, or too stupid, to know when to just give up.
Why couldn’t you have been that stupid too?
I'll say it loud here by your grave
those angels can't
ever take my place
No, I’m NOT crying, damn it! I’m not... I just...
somewhere where the orchids grow
I can't find those church bells
that played when you died
played Gloria
talkin bout
Hosanah
Goddamnit, why did you have to up and die on me? Couldn’t you at least have waited until you were born? Did you hate me that much? Am I such a horrible person that you didn’t even want me as a mother? That you didn’t even want to get to know Yuusuke because it would have meant having to be with me?
Yuusuke would have made you such a good ani-chan...
No, Bartender, it’s okay... I think I’m done now too. Gonna go home now and sleep it off for a while. Sure, you can call a cab for me... that’s sweet of you. Thanks. ‘Night.
‘Til next year, musume.
don't judge me so harsh little girl
***
"Playboy Mommy" written and performed by Tori Amos, published by Sword and Stone from "from the choirgirl hotel" (© 1998 Atlantic Recording Corporation)