Tears and the Rain
by Crystal aka Firestarter

Yuu Yuu Hakusho and its characters are the property of Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Pierrot, Shueisha, Fuji TV, and Shonen Jump Weekly though all content not copyrighted to others is © 2000 to Crystal. Warnings and Rating: PG for Shounen Ai and Angst. Foreword: Just a short angsty P.O.V. fic about unrequited love once again. Pairing is btw Hiei/Yusuke just to be clear.

The sky is darkening now, the storm blending in with the shadows of late afternoon, rain pouring down mercilessly even as I stand under it, alone, drenched and just thinking, staring blankly at nothing. Tomorrow, you will start your life. Tonight, I will just stand here, waiting.

Sometimes, the child of the northern snow is confused, wondering how the earth can continue on revolving just like that with no evidence of any strings attached to it. Sometimes, he asks why things are what they are, what causes the things that help culminate into the daily process of every day life. Sometimes, he just wants to know the answers...

It's five o'clock, the storm not giving any indication of stopping soon but oddly, I just welcome it for it soothes my red aching eyes. It helps me ignore the stingy feel of the blur that I see, the tears that I refuse to acknowledge. Somehow, the rain is helping.

Tomorrow, you will finally wed to your woman as tonight you will celebrate the last night of being single. I heard that you will be having a stag party as you yourself had come up to me, told me this in a smiling, teasing manner, laughter in your voice. You like doing that to me, don't you? You like catching me off guard as I let you do so in my own secret, silent way. But sorry, I won't be going to your party tonight. I may only embarass myself and do something I may regret for the rest of my life. But, oh, I do want to do something to impress your heart, to win you, to have you, to let you own me forever. But I won't. I wouldn't want to hurt you in any way by showing you the torn and broken blackness that is me. All I could do now is stand under the rain. That's all I ever want to do anyway.

Splash. Splash. The water is getting colder as the sky is getting blacker. It's funny but through the little bit of light still remaining, my downcast eyes encounter a rainbow on the asphalt pavement. And...I'm reminded...of you...
We've met three or was it four years in the past? After an intense and fierce battle, you told me...you trusted me right off, no hesitation whatsoever. Just like seeing a tiny rainbow in the midst of a storm, you saw something good in me when everything should have been dark. No one had ever done that to me before. When I am acting too suspiciously, my actions so questionable and everyone was raising their brows in accusation, you merely smiled and believed in me when no one else would. Why is that? How could you do that so easily?

Now...are you satisfied that my heart is yours even if you don't know it yet? Are you happy that it was you who conquered the heart of the child from the north who had always been incable of any form of love?

A lightning cuts through the sky and I smile slightly, knowing that such an element of nature is so much like your powers with its intense light and strength. I guess...I'm going to miss you.

I breathe deeply, closing my eyes, just focussing on my heart beat. I hear a thud, while I inhale and exhale the air. A rare moment of peace...

Perhaps you'd laugh if you'd see me now. Perhaps just like everyone else in this world, you'd just mistake me as a crazy ningen boy who's too idiotic to know that the rain can be harmful to one's health. It's funny. I was never a boy in this lifetime. I've always been a man. And so, I will take this ironic defeat like a man would though deep inside...

Never mind. We win some. We lose some. It's just that for me...I always lose the game called life.

And now, I thank the rain for being there to shield the emotion of my eyes. The heavens understand and are sharing my feelings for once. We're both crying.
So, go on now, rain. Just keep on falling. Fall until my tears don't stop. Cry with me until the pain in my heart won't cease. It may be a long time and there may be a flood...but that is exactly the burden inside my small frame. Rain, just don't vanish yet. I need to cry some more.

For what?

It's just that...

...even a forbidden child must have a dream. It's just too bad it won't be fulfilled.

© August 7, 2000

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