Hogwarts
11 July, 1995

Lupin (I will not say "Dear", because I refuse to have hypocrisy added to my list of perceived character flaws):

          I see there has been no diminution to your sense of humour, derivative though it might be. At least I can be assured that you are not so careless as to lose a potion which requires considerable time and effort to create. I find the challenge stimulating, if nothing else. If it saves one child from being ravaged at moonlight, I shall be content.

          "Open hostility"? Please be assured that any "hostility" you may perceive is entirely that—your own perception. If I wished to be truly "hostile", I could send you a potion under the guise of the Lupi Contra Mentem which would dissolve your bones within you and leave what was left of you screaming. I would not sink to such a disgraceful misuse of my art, and you may assure your slobbering friend of that if you wish. His mangy hide is safe from me, and if he is mad enough to survive incarceration in Hell, I doubt that anything I could do or say would have much effect in any case. He, you, and the Potters senior and junior all have the great gift of being able to walk away from almost any event unscathed and smelling like the proverbial rose. We lesser mortals are left to face the results of the follies created by such sweet insouciance.

          As for your most recent little jest, I regret to inform you that you have all lost your cretinous student wager, though I doubt you would have been able to collect your posthumous winnings in any case. I am not fond of canines of any sort, as I'm sure you're well aware. Nor am I foolish enough to dote on felines—Filch and McGonagall are more than enough in that line. Cockroaches exist solely to be pulverised to the correct consistency and neatly labelled in the appropriate container. Newts are somewhat closer to the mark, though still far from the bull's-eye. I find myself most compatible with reptiles—snakes especially—and have found congenial company in a frog from time to time, as they do well in the dungeons. I find concealing a small tree frog in a recalcitrant student's bed does much to improve his or her behaviour.

          If the lot of you had been able to channel the intelligence and creativity you wasted in your foolish pranks, what greatness might not have been accomplished? I suppose you would consider that water under the bridge now. Perhaps it is, perhaps not. My marks in Divination were never anything to boast about.

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Written by Teka Lynn
November 9, 2002

All rights to the characters and setting are held by J K Rowling and whoever else holds them, including, but not limited to, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, and Warner Bros. This fanwork was created solely for fun and has no legal or financial connection to the Harry Potter novels.