Home for the Holidays
by Kayla

Sirius Black sleeping on the sofa, breathing lightly, as the light of the night stars fell across the form of his body. It was a breathtaking sight for a man to see on such a special day. Christmas was always Remus Lupin's favorite time of year. It was so peaceful, and everyone seemed so happy despite any torment they might be suffering, or fighting their way through. Remus leaned down to the level of his beloved Sirius, and placed a well timed kiss on his forehead. The dark haired man tensed, and then began to awaken. Remus could not, and would not fight the smile that crossed him. An awakening Sirius was something much like a child.

"Good morning, love," teased Remus very gently, rubbing a hand against the other man's arm. "Come on, Sirius, you're not going to spend Christmas Night sleeping, are you?"

Sirius turned over from where he lay on the sofa, and looked up at his lover. He then closed his eyes again and smiled. "Sorry, Re," he whispered, falling back down and acting as though he were still asleep. He knew that it would begin to drive Remus nuts if he lay here unresponsive for awhile. He loved watching Remus's tense, anxiety ridden side come out. He adored doing it, just so he could calm poor Remus down. He could hear the breath of his love quickening suddenly. Total panic, Sirius thought, his grin getting larger by the second. He had to fight the urge to laugh, just to keep up with his game.

"I know you're playing with my mind Sirius, and I- I demand that you stop," Remus was calm, playful, but Sirius still detected the typical "Lupin anxiety" as he always used to call it. "You are going to wake up now. Your godson and I have been waiting for you for a long time."

"Make me," Sirius whispered in a vague kind of voice, that made Remus tense. Yet then, it was Remus's turn to shock Sirius, when all of a sudden Sirius felt the weight of a man pressed down against his body. His eyes flickered open excitedly.

"Well, Sirius, we have a dillema," Remus said smirking, the smile reaching his beautiful brown eyes. That got Sirius's attention as he snapped wide awake. "You see, I want YOU downstairs to spend Christmas with us. What are you to do?"

"Convince me maybe, then I just might come down," Sirius said laughing, his left arm wrapping around the smaller man's waist and pulling him downwards. He grinned when Remus's lips touched his, forceful and strong. It took so many years, but Remus Lupin could- and would, stand up to him now. It was a beautiful thing, a sign of a new day.

"Come on, love," Remus said weakly, but giving into Sirius's evil plot, he bent over and allowed Sirius to kiss him deeply, all as he lay forward on top of him. He smiled. "Oh, oh Sirius, stop it. Pleeeeasseee come downstairs. You are such a bratty child! Must have your own way... every time"

"I am convinced, Remus," Sirius assured, catching his breath. Years and years, and still the magic of his lover could capture him every time. He sighed deeply as Remus stood. He held out a hand that was soon captured in his beloved's, and was led downstairs to where his godson waited for them.

Harry was sitting in an armchair downstairs, looking happy, but just a little bit tired. Eighteen years old, Harry was very different from the boy Remus and Sirius had first really met at thirteen. He looked his youth, a young teenaged boy, but his eyes were different than most. They reminded Remus and Sirius of their own looks, long ago when they had been young. Harry looked up at them, as they hurried down the stairs, and his dim expression changed into a timid smile. "You actually did it?" Harry asked in a mock impressed voice, making eye contact with Remus. Sirius grinned at Harry, who returned the look.

"Yes, Harry, except your godfather is very...erm... hard to convince. You owe me quite a bit."

"Ah, I told you..." Harry said softly, shaking his head and standing up to meet them at the endparts of the staircase. He was laughing, as he stepped in front of them.

"What?" Sirius asked in his curious manner.

"That he'd have to do-erm- something- to get you to come down," Harry said playfully, then gestured at Remus's frumpled clothing. "I knew it. I'm just surprised it only took about five minutes to get you downstairs."

Sirius pouted mockingly. "You know me much too well."

"Merry Christmas," Harry said laughing at his own silliness. This had not been a year for happiness, or fun. It had been a year of death, torment and unequaled pain for all three of them. Harry tried to shake away the moment of somber feelings, especially when he was here right now, alive, well and with his family. It was after the war and they were all safe. Yet the memories of death, torture and agonizing struggles were so close to their hearts.

Remus looked at Harry and knew exactly what the young boy thought of. He himself had endured similar trials. Sirius was not naive, nor was he oblivious to the situation. He just was too strong emotionally. He would not allow himself to feel pain, he never had. Yet Remus and Harry suffered strongly, and let it get to them easily.

Remus had been imprisoned by Death Eaters, towards the end of the war and almost killed... by his presumed dead brother no less.

It had been the most agonizing two months of his life. Physical pain, mental torture... many nights Remus would awaken screaming of his time there. Then he would wake up with Sirius lying next to him, and it would all be just nothing- a nightmare of the past. Sirius would awaken, knowing exactly what made his beloved cry in that darkened room. Remus would take comfort in the fact that Sirius's arms would always wrap around him protectively. Sirius remained strong for him, to make him feel safety. Yet Remus himself kept much of it locked inside- and would not even tell Sirius who had tortured him. He had one confidant- Harry, but Sirius would never know the truth. "Death Eaters, no difference between two of them," he'd said to Sirius boldly, but these were his family at one time.

Harry had of course been the savior of the wizarding world. Eighteen years of age and he'd already saved the world from pure destruction. The boy had known more attacks on him than any other wizard alive, and had seen more of his friends die. Like Remus, it was obvious he kept much inside.

He did, he really felt safe; as his parents had died with Voldemort. Just as he knew Harry felt safe. It was just sometimes the images of his own pain were a little too much to bear. They both would never forget the taste of blood in their mouths, their own deaths pending, being held in the hands of evil. Remus remembered reaching a point, as he lay in evil's dungeon, that he could not take one more torture... it would have to claim him first. The physical pain had been immense, but nothing more then the helplessness, the emotional worry and pain, the idea that his family member had NOT died in a tragic accident. . The psychological tortures too... the games they played on his drained mind. It would be something he'd never, ever forget. "It's over, Harry," he whispered into the young boy's ear as he passed. "Do not even think about it tonight, it is Christmas for all of us."

Harry turned to Remus and nodded. He loved having Remus around. While Sirius was his godfather, and walked him through everything he needed, Remus was the calm understanding one. Harry and Sirius both found stability in Remus's calm, cool attitude sometimes. He could handle- well, anything. He could not even imagine stability before, as he felt when he talked, confided in, and shared feelings with Remus.

So Harry nodded and followed to where Sirius had left for the front room. "Are you all right, Harry?" Sirius asked, frowning slightly. He did not fool Harry. Sometimes he did not mind to things, like Remus would, but he noticed them clearly enough to leave private space.

"I am good, Sirius," Harry replied smiling. "You don't have to worry."

Remus soon followed him into the room. By the time he entered, Harry was carefully seated across the sofa, and Sirius was knelt down, igniting a fire in the fireplace. Remus smiled. This was certainly home to them all. Home... no more evil parents, darkness and pain. This was a place of purity.

He sat next to Harry, watching as Sirius magically ignited the log that lay inside of the pit. He could not get the silly smile off of his face. A world of pain, violence and torture never mattered when the love of your life was sitting, with a frustrated look on his face, bringing cheer and warmth to a cold home.

Sirius finally stood, walked over to them, and sat between his two most beloved people. He pulled his lover into his arms, holding Remus very tight. Remus, touched by the moment, tried to speak to Sirius. "Siri, love, it's beautiful. Thank you."

"It really has become a perfect home here," Sirius replied with a light that touched the two at his sides. "I want to be here forever-"

"We will be," promised Remus. He knew that he was making an- honest- promise to his beloved people this time. The war was over, they were safe, and all of the pain was only a part of their memories.

"When I was a kid," Harry said casually, his thoughts dwindling towards his young homelife. He barely even realized the two older men were gazing at him intently, "when I was a kid... I could never imagine finding a safe place like this."

Heat rushed into his face when he realized that he was being watched so intensively. "Sorry," he said looking down apologetically. "I wasn't thinking..."

Remus was also embarrassed for looking, and was unable to speak much. Then Harry heard Sirius's deep but gentle voice say, "That is good, Harry. You should be able to say that kind of thing here. I mean- look at us."

"He's right, Harry," Remus said, finding his own voice, when he saw the way Sirius looked at him. He felt amazingly quiet, for once. "He really is... I mean, all three of us came from places we'd like to forget. Home really-"

"Never existed," Sirius finished. "I know that fact well. Home is not where you live, it is your life's purpose."

Remus felt touched by Sirius's words, as he began to think about his young life. Mother, Father and a younger sister that was killed even before Voldemort came to power. He should've known then, that his parents and Voldemort's rise were what killed the child. They ignored him constantly, abused him every now and then. Sometimes it seemed like the ignoring was more painful then any beating. They would act as though he did not exist, a mere shadow that would not be part of the two parents. When their second child had died, their first had become an afterthought. Why they even spared him was not to be known. Remus remembered his father's eyes always, though, as they passed him over and drew to his evil plans. Remus had not even been intelligent enough then to put them up as evil. They were his parents- parents who did no wrong. Children had blind trust in their parents- Remus had thought it was his fault they hated him. He was a useless child, who had allowed himself to be taken by a werewolf. It was HIS weakness and not their problem. Their non-caring nature was because he was undeserving of it.

"Remus," Sirius said in a concerned voice, as Remus fell back into a dreaming state. Remus seemed to waver in his seat for a second. Sirius steadied his arm, and looked deep into his brown eyes. "Remus? What is wrong with you?"

Remus felt a shiver, and he snapped from the terrorized thoughts. "Nothing love," he promised unable to suppress the pain he felt inside.

"You're shaking, Remus," Sirius said a bit harshly. He knew something was bothering Remus, and also knew that sometimes to confess the pains he felt, Remus needed a harsh kick in the right direction. "What is it... trust me."

"It's just," Remus said pondering quickly about how much to give away, even to his true love. "I was starting to think about how it was- you know, back home when I was a kid."

"You never told me about your childhood," Sirius said, and Remus could feel the strength of his lover next to him. Harry looked on concerned, but this moment was really for the two of them. Sirius was right, Remus had only given vague details about his family, in years and years. He'd just never wanted to burden his lover with more family-oriented troubles. When they were teens, Sirius had been dealing with so much more darkness.

Remus remembered vaguely, one night back in the dormitory, when Sirius woke up shaking from a dream of home. Luckily, they had been lovers then, on that night in their seventh year, and Remus had been able to comfort him. Sirius had described vivid dreams of being tortured by his older brother. Constantly his life was ruined by his family's hatred, and his brother's vicious love for violence.

"There was no reason," Remus said brisquely, cutting Sirius off with a dangerously tempered tone.

"Remus, I love you!" Sirius said, pressing his body closer to his lover. "I promised to be with you forever, and never lie to you. Honestly always works between those who love one another."

At this Harry was touched. He loved the way Remus and Sirius interacted. It was as though they had found the one they were meant to be with so young, that they were forced to endure trials to keep it. They had survived of course. Remus and Sirius were going to be together forever. "He's right..." Harry said lightly.

Remus looked over at the teenager sharply. His breath quickened and he could feel the heart in his chest pounding like it were the eve of the full moon. Harry knew... how could he say that? "But Harry..."

"I know," Harry said reaching across Sirius and touching Remus on his right hand. He was comforting, and kind. "I know it so much, but it's time Sirius knew too."

"Sirius, my parents were as awful as yours," Remus said tiredly, his eyes looking deep and blank as he stared into space, thinking hard about the effects of telling Sirius who his mother and brother were now. "They were evil... at least Mum... and my little brother... my Dad died when I was about three."

"He was muggle wasn't he?" Harry asked softly, trying to let Remus know with his eyes, that he was not to hurt or be ashamed by this. Remus looked back like a man ready to die.

"He was Harry, and from all I know, a lot better than the witch he married. When I was bitten by the werewolf, my father was dead. My mother told me what a shame I was, and how I was never to tell a soul about my inner evil. She told me that truthfully I was an abomination and should die, but she would spare me cause she loved me. The shame of the day she put my name into the werewolf registry was nearly unbearable. I was beaten by my brother that night, for the shame I caused him."

Sirius had pulled Remus protectively into his arms, and Remus sighed and leaned into his chest. "Sirius," he said softly into the other man's body, "Sirius, that's why I could never tell you. The shame was so unbearable even until... until we first fell in love... I was the demon in my pure family."

"How could you never say, Remus? How... I would have killed your mother and brother both with my bare hands."

Remus smiled at the image, and of Sirius's pure protection of him. He acted as though Remus had been violated by his family members days ago. It actually was closer to days... could Sirius take anymore? His eyes closed and he did not want to talk at all. "Sirius, my love," he said softly, reaching up to hold him. Harry moved over to the other side of the room, feeling intrusive on this moment. "It had to be that way- I never wanted you hurt."

"I knew pain just as well, Moony," Sirius said softly, his eyes watering with tears. "I would have been there for you... as you were for me. I am always here!"

"I know that now, Sirius," Remus said softly. "I just did not know then, that I had such a thing in you. My brother was evil... remains evil to this day... I thought he had died Sirius, but he was there."

"There?" Sirius asked, but then his dark eyes deepened. "Remus, not when you were imprisoned..."

Sirius could feel pain course through his veins when Remus began sobbing into his chest violently. "Moony," he comforted, stroking his hand down his lover's back. "You knew?" he mouthed to Harry who replied with a weak nod. "Oh Moony," Sirius said softly. "You should have told me..."

Remus could see so clearly in his eyes, his tiny brother Liander, as a baby and as an adult that wanted him dead. Yet he could see Sirius now, as he lay here almost dead. Pain had been the strongest force, making his breath labored and barely there. Yet Sirius and Harry had both been there, had they not? They never ever failed him as family members.

Remus could not fight the tears as he remembered Sirius, as he remained by his side for hours, while he was healed. Days and days Sirius never ever left him.

"I could not tell you, Sirius," Remus mouthed tiredly. "I mean, we've all been through so much..."

"That's what makes us all strong!" Sirius said, his voice deep and giving much meaning to all of the things his lover had suffered. "Each of the three of us sitting here, has been through enough pain in their family life alone. Sharing it will help us, don't you think Remus?"

"Of course I do," Remus replied, feeling a little bit dishonest. He should not have withheld the things that hurt him. "Yet I could not forget his face... and I did not want to burden you."

"That's the same reason you didn't tell Sirius and the others that you were a werewolf," came the voice of the silent teenager in the back of the room. Harry looked at the two, so much more an adult than they were, despite being half their age. "It did not bring you anything but trouble. If I did not have you to talk to about everything I would be so messed up right now... I never realized before I moved here, how much my time with those muggles hurt me. You helped that for me... both of you."

They both looked up shocked. Sirius felt Remus's eyes meet his for a second, and he knew that Moony was feeling the same things he was. Harry was the most intelligent boy they knew. James's blood surely ran inside of that boy... it was obvious in his quick mind. "He's right, Remus," Sirius said, standing up. Remus looked up at him expectant of his upcoming speech. "I remember the night you protected me from my nightmares for the first time. I want to protect yours."

"What do you mean Sirius?" Remus asked. Harry had stood up tooo, and sat down again, next to Remus. He was comforting and interested in the story.

"The Summer before seventh year, and I was once again the disgrace of my family, remember?" Sirius said, smiling wistfully. "That was the night I escaped from my house, thought not before my old Dad could get his hands on me."

"You ran to James's house, and James immediately wrote me," Remus said smiling, and looking up further towards Sirius's figure as the shadow of his body echoed in the firelight. "I ran away too, you know. My parents disliked James to quite the extent. I came... and you were... the most awful thing I ever saw. I just wanted to comfort you."

"You did," Sirius replied smiling again, his eyes almost watery. Harry cringed a bit, having never seen Sirius cry before... except for the time when Remus was hurt. "You stayed with me for the entire night, in James's home, right in front of the fireplace, don't you remember?"

"Yes," Remus said softly, looking down. Harry and Sirius exchanged a glance above his head, and Sirius knew he was doing things right. "James could not- and would not convince you to get..." Remus could not help it when he began to choke a bit on tears, "He couldn't convince you to get some dry clothes on. You had run to his house in the pouring rain. I had to sit with you all night."

"I was so traumatized, and scared..." Sirius mentioned, his eyes locking with Remus's. "That house was not my home. That house was memory after memory of abuse and pain. There was never a moment when I was not hurting there, until the love of my life came to my rescue."

"I didn't, Siri..." Remus said weakly. "My house was the same, but it was such mental torture. The ignoring, the fact that I was my family's greatest shame. Unbearable."

"You both forget that you rescued me from that horrible place where I lived," Harry mentioned, a bit uneasy due to the men's tears. "You are both my heroes for that."

"That is so sweet to say, Harry," Remus said softly, looking from the boy, back to Sirius. "But really, it's all your godfather's doing."

"No, it was both of you," Harry said, "convincing Dumbledore and all... that I needed a more loving home, because of the times. I would not have taken Voldemort down if not for you two. Don't even think I would have. My uncle would have probably killed me..."

"Harry..." Sirius said weakly, his murderous side showing through at mention to the Dursleys.

"Don't, Sirius," Harry laughed, "I'm just making a point. All of us suffered so much more than was needed of us. None of us ever got to have what is here. Despite any pain we endured, we're together. I would never be anywhere without this place. Neither would you."

"The things we went through before are pointless, past items," Remus agreed. "We're not looking for a home anymore- we've found it."

"Merry Christmas," Harry mentioned vaguely, as the words had never felt so right in his life.