Hot Chocolate
(With Two Marshmallows)
Sidestory to "A Guardian's Heart"
by Daga
translated by Morgan D.
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"Look, Yukito! Did you see that?" Yukito adjusted his glasses and searched for what Sakura was pointing at. A part of the abandoned garden of an old house... yes, he could see it moving, something translucent that seemed like a little cloud of dust, but with a clearly defined shape and moving as if by its own will... "It's a dust rabbit." Sakura turned to stare at him with large astonished eyes and jumped back with a scream. "What happened?" "Yue! You startled me!" |
It didn't startle less the Guardian when the girl called him by his name; he had performed the transformation without even noticing it. In the past few weeks the transition from Yukito to Yue and vice-versa had become a lot quicker and easier... but never involuntary! What if it happened again? What if it happened in public?
Easy, murmured a voice. You're gonna scare Sakura; she never saw you panicking.
"Yukito?" Yue asked, looking around.
"Yeah, he was here a second ago," Sakura stammered.
"I know... it's just that I... oh well, I heard him calling me..."
I'm awake, Yukito clarified.
"Did you hear that?" Yue asked Sakura.
"What?"
"I heard Yukito talking. He said he's awake."
Sakura shook her head. Yue brushed his hand through his hair, starting to understand. "I see, so he's talking inside my mind and not to my senses. This is new."
"You mean you've never talked to each other?"
"Only in dreams."
"And what just happened now?"
A slip, said Yukito.
"A..." Yue began, and halted. "No, that wasn't it." The Guardian frowned and glanced at where the dust rabbit was. "When you asked me what that little magic creature was, Yukito didn't know the answer, but I did..."
"Oh, so you were going to answer and transformed in... Uh, I mean... Ah..."
"I took Yukito's place without noticing it," Yue completed gently. "I was careless, and I'm sorry for startling you."
"It's okay, it's okay!" Sakura laughed nervously, while a sweatdrop showed up over her head. "A dust rabbit, you said?"
Yue nodded. "It's like a small goblin. They live in abandoned houses because there's no one to clean up. When the house is inhabited again, they leave if a diligent person sweeps the dust."
The dust rabbit twitched its ears and started leaping around. Sakura looked at Yue, her eyes shining excitedly. "Yue, would you do me a favor? Would you stay here for a moment watching the dust rabbit while I go find Tomoyo? She'll love to film it!"
"With pleasure," said Yue, although his face expressed otherwise. The Moon Guardian watching a dust rabbit while Tomoyo brought the camera? He could remember a time when NO ONE would have asked him such task... What was Yukito laughing about?
Sakura ran away fast, but halted for moment by the corner. "I'll be right back!"
So cute, Yukito commented.
"Hn."
Shouldn't you be watching the rabbit?
"Oh, yeah." Yue turned to keep vigil of the rabbit. "How can you be awake?" he asked after a few seconds.
I have no idea. Maybe because... what's happening to us now? Will it be like this from now on?
"I don't know... maybe it'll happen once in a while..."
Until your thoughts and mine become the thoughts of both.
"Yes."
It scares me a little.
"It scares me too," Yue replied with all sincerity. "It scares me too..."
The two of them contemplated the rabbit in silence for a while.
You know? I don't think you have to talk aloud.
Really? Yue retorted, only by thinking of his answer.
Exactly! Yukito laughed. Feels like telepathy.
In reality it's something a little more direct than that, don't you think?
Heh, yes, no doubt about it... Oh, Yue, I think we have a problem.
Just one? That'd be an improvement.
A more immediate problem than the rest, I mean. Seems it's going to rain.
Yue looked up; the gray clouds assembled quickly by the wind's guidance, and he could sense the drop of temperature. "Oh no," he muttered.
Oh yes, Yukito countered.
Twenty minutes later, Yue realized he was shivering under the relative protection granted by his wings. The rain and wind were too strong and the water dripped through the feathers, soaking him completely.
I don't think Sakura and Tomoyo will come with this deluge, Yukito commented.
I doubt it too, but stepping away from here would mean disobeying the Mistress.
Was it an order? I had the feeling she was asking a favor.
That's how she postulate things, but she's still the Mistress and... We don't have any reason to stay under this rain, do we? Yue sighed bitterly. Keroberos will laugh a lot when he learns that I stayed here under this rainfall as if I were incapable of finding shelter or as if I believed that she might have wanted me to remain here under these circumstances... that would offend her, wouldn't it?
I'd say more, I think she'd be upset at the idea that you could think something like that about her.
I agree, let's go.
Eh... Yue?
Yes?
Before we go... Sakura told me that sometimes you make your wings disappear...
Yes, so?
Could you do it now?
Now?
Just for a moment. I like feeling the rain on my face... don't you?
Yukito, it's freezing here! Aren't we wet enough already?
Exactly, we're soaking wet. Would it make that much difference?
Yue's wings glowed for an instant and dissipated into nothing. The rain fell on him like ice needles.
Do you really enjoy this? he questioned.
Yes, it reminds me of a time my grandparents and I got caught by a rainfall, I had so much fun... oh, but it's not a real memory, is it? None of this happened...
Yue felt his heart shrinking.
Anyway, real or not, it's a beautiful memory... Yukito went on with a dreamy voice.
It sure is.
What about you?
Eh?
Have you never been like this in the rain?
Once... the night Clow Read died. There was a storm like this outside and I went out in the garden and stayed there in the rain... Keroberos had to drag me back inside...
Oh... I'm sorry, Yue.
No, Yukito, no... these things... hurt less with time... and...
Suddenly the rain stopped. No, not stopped, it continued falling down, but it had stopped falling down on Yue. Puzzled, the Guardian looked up to see an umbrella over his head.
"Sakura told me to pick you up," said Touya, shifting the umbrella to his other hand to better shelter them both. "She's at Tomoyo's and will stay over tonight... She was very worried that you could stay here until she came back."
"I think... that she's under the impression that I take what she says too literally, isn't that it? We were just going..."
"We?" Touya arched an eyebrow.
"Yukito and I... He's awake now and... we were talking."
"I see... let's go home."
"Yes."
Wait, Yue, Yukito asked when he realized that the Guardian was about to start the transformation. Let's stay like this a while more.
Why?
Well, I wanna have some fun now that I'm awake. I'm always asleep when you're in charge... well, it's interesting this situation.
But...
Oh come on. Kinomoto-san is travelling, Sakura is at Tomoyo's and Touya won't mind if you remain as you for a couple of hours more. Please?
But... oh well, all right.
If Touya was intrigued by the fact that the silvery angel was walking beside him under the umbrella instead of shifting to his false form, he didn't show, although he glanced at him by the corner of the eye every now and then, attentively studying Yue's concentrated demeanor as he proceeded talking to Yukito.
As soon as they got home, Touya took Yue to his bedroom. "Well, first thing is to get you dry, okay?"
"I suppose so, I just have to..."
"Let's see, let me get a towel... your hair will give us a lot of work, right? So I'll go find the Kaijuu's hair dryer..."
Yue stared at Touya, feeling more and more confused by the second. Didn't he know that he could simply use his powers to dry himself as if it had never rained?... And why should he know, after all? Oh, he probably ignored it, it would be best to explain and...
"Here!"
Darkness fell upon Yue, startling him. He took a few seconds to realize that Touya had flung a towel for him to grab, and that he failed to see it in time. Taking the towel off, he searched for Touya with his eyes. "This isn't necessary, I..."
"Of course it is. Or do you want to find out if you're capable of catching pneumonia? Take off your clothes.
"I beg your pardon?
Touya rolled his eyes. "It's soaked and covered with mud! We gotta wash and dry it before you can use it again. Well? What are you waiting for?" he retorted, handing him a bathrobe.
Yue had become mute all of a sudden, doing nothing but staring at him with wide eyes. Touya ignored it heroically, or maybe didn't noticed it because he was walking to the door, from where he turned to eye him one last time and speak to him as if he were a little kid. "Take of your clothes and put that robe on, I'll be back in minute."
What do I do now? Yue thought.
He's trying to be nice, I suppose... If you say you don't need help, it'll only serve to humiliate him... or he might think you're too proud to accept his help and will even be more worried about this hypothetical pneumonia, Yukito riposted. Er... can we catch pneumonia?
I caught a cold once, but that was a long time ago... it also happened when I got wet by accident.
Really? Then you'd better do as he says and start drying yourself, don't you think? It seems to me that we've been feeling like a drowned rat for too long.
With a resigned sighed, the Moon Guardian undressed his outfit and put on the bathrobe.
Touya returned soon afterwards to collect Yue's clothes. "Finish drying your hair," he pointed out.
"What?"
With the towel, Yue, dry your hair... have you never done this before? Yukito cut in.
"Oh, all right," Yue murmured, following Yukito's instructions. Touya smiled and left him alone again.
This is crazy. The Moon Guardian sat on the bed to go on working with the towel. I should use my powers to do this; it'll take forever to dry my hair this way! Besides, this thing will only absorb part of the water, and my hair will still be humid anyway...
However, he was twenty centimeters from reaching the end of the tresses (and his arms started to feel heavy) when Touya returned.
"Your clothes are in the washing machine," he told him. "Let me help you with this."
Yue eyes suspiciously the device Touya had brought with him and now plugged to an outlet; he had to resort to Yukito's memories to recognize it as a hair dryer. Nonetheless he was surprised at the surge of hot air.
"Be still," Touya ordered him. "It'll be done in one minute."
One minute? Almost half an hour went by and when it was over Yue felt really worn out. Touya doubtfully examined the silvery hair; it wasn't shining as much as he remembered... Maybe the dryer was set too hot? Or was it related to Yue's mood? He seemed a bit depressed, tired perhaps? Or maybe standing in the freezing rain for so long had affected him? Well, perhaps he only needed a little attention...
Yue almost jumped when he felt Touya's hands in his hair again. And now, what was he doing? He managed to turn his head and look at him without showing too much alarm, and found Touya armed with a comb.
"Maybe I should do this," Yue murmured taking the comb from him as gently as possible. Through Yukito's memory he knew too well why Touya's hair was always ruffled like that to allow him to do the same to his. Sure, Touya had the best of intentions, but good intentions alone didn't help much.
Give him a chance, will you? Yukito protested. He's doing the best that he can.
I know, but one thing is to know that, and another is to let him comb my hair. At least it didn't occur to him to ask about my wings. Do you have any idea how wet feathers smell?
Yes... Now I remember what you said about when you caught a cold; you were talking about that time Kero-chan made you fall in the well, before you knew you could dispense your wings; it was quite a feat to dry them.
"Something wrong?" Touya asked, concerned at the sudden look of disgust in Yue's face.
"No, nothing. I was talking to Yukito," the other replied, looking away. "It seems he's seen more of my memory than I had imagined."
I didn't mean to see it.
Hmm. I suspect you had a lot of fun with the anecdote.
Well, it surprises me that you made the effort to forget that day.
It's not something I like to remember.
Not even what happened afterwards? I have the feeling you enjoyed the way Clow took care of you while you were sick, Yukito countered with a giggle. Hot chocolate, right? With two marshmallows. And the following days he read to you near the fire every evening, until you fell asleep... What book was it? Ah, yes, 'The 1001 Nights'; you memorized the tale of the three beggars just because he read it to you once.
Yue bent his head, fighting the tears.
"I'd like to know what you two are talking about," Touya murmured with a concerned look.
"When... before I had completed one year of life... There was a well near Clow's house, Keroberos made me fall in it once in our first winter; I didn't know how to swim and my wings got in the way, I almost drowned and was sick for a few days. Yukito was making some comments about it," Yue answered very quickly, with the remote hope that Touya wouldn't ask for more details.
"That's interesting... I think I'll ask Yukito to tell me about it later."
Argh! This was even worse than if he had asked for details... Yue focused in combing his hair. After all, it was a nice sensation to be under a roof while outside the deluge went on; if only he didn't feel so cold...
Touya saw him tremble a little, and also noticed a light blue shadow in his lips and fingernails; apparently the silvery angel needed more help to get back to normal. "This robe is too thin, isn't it?"
Uh? said Yukito.
"What do you mean?" Yue inquired, as puzzled as his alter ego.
Touya walked towards the door again. "You're shivering cold, didn't you notice? You'd better dress something warmer while your clothes dry. One of my pajamas will do."
This is getting worse and worse and worse... Yue thought.
He opened the drawer where Touya kept his pajamas and looked inside. The one on top was light gray and seemed warm enough. Sure, it was a size too big for him, but it wouldn't look that bad and...
He had to make a huge effort not to scream in fright when his hands moved on their own to the bottom of the drawer to grab some blue pajamas... with white bunnies around the collar and down the sleeves...
What do you think you're doing, Yukito?! he yelled mentally.
This is the one I wear when I stay over, replied his alter ego with the most innocent tone anyone could imagine. Hey! You saw what I just did? I can move being you awake!
In contrast to Yukito's enthusiasm, Yue was on the verge of panic.
Yes, they were merging. Yes, he knew that soon it would be difficult to distinguish between his thoughts and Yukito's, and yes, he knew that at some point the actions of one would be influenced by the other... But so soon? Or rather, did it have to be now? In a situation like this? Involving the bunny pajamas? Don't make me wear this, he moaned.
Yue... inside his mind, Yukito's voice sounded suddenly serious, as if he were imitating Yue... or as if he were thinking of a way not to get Yue completely terrified. Tell me something, could I have made YOU to get these pajamas if deep down you weren't thinking in putting precisely these on?
I don't know... But, for the Lord, I hate these pajamas! They're ridiculous.
I know they're ridiculous. It's a design for children in adult-size pajamas. And I know perfectly well how ridiculous I look... we look... in them.
So?
He could almost see Yukito shrugging with a timid smile.
So... when To-ya asked me to wear them the first time, at first I thought he was mocking me. I put them on because I didn't want to offend him by refusing it... and well... when I put them on... it was strange... it was... like what you feel when someone hugs you. Yes, that's it... Then I didn't know that all my memories were forged, then I didn't know that no one had ever hugged me before... and I couldn't understand, of course, but these pajamas were the closest to a hug from a beloved one that I had felt in all my existence. It was the first time someone showed affection towards Yukito Tsukishiro... The same way that hot chocolate and the time he spent reading those tales to you until you fell asleep was the first display of affection you received from Clow, when you were a child to him. His child.
When Touya returned he was surprised to find his bedroom empty. For a moment he wondered if Yue had decided to go after Sakura (which didn't seem very probable, unless he had a second outfit stored somewhere, or had been able to create one through magic... which suddenly sounded very plausible) or if he had transformed back into Yukito, which still didn't explain his absence.
He allowed himself a sigh of relief when he found him in the living room. He was sitting on the couch, legs covered by a blanket, still combing his hair while contemplating the rain out the window. Touya grinned and sat next to him. "How are you feeling?"
"Better, thank you."
"And how's that conversation going?"
"...Mmm... interesting... I never thought Yukito and I would have so much to talk about."
Touya was about to ask him if he was sure he didn't need help with the combing when he realized which pajamas the angel was wearing. The blue ones with the bunnies.
"Why did you put these on?" he asked, pinching one of the sleeves.
"Let's say Yukito convinced me."
It wasn't the clearest of answers, but that would be all that Touya would get for the moment. In a way, it was a matter between Yue and Yukito, something private between mind and soul. Yue was surprised to catch himself smiling... Was that smile his initiative or Yukito's? Did it matter?
The silence was beginning to bother Touya. Were Yue and Yukito still talking?
"I'm gonna make some tea. You want something?" he asked, standing up.
Right as he asked, Touya wished to whack his own head. Offering Yue a snack, knowing perfectly well that the angel didn't eat?
"Yes, please."
"...I beg your pardon?" Touya couldn't believe his ears.
Yue had turned his face away quickly after sensing Touya's look, but the boy could swear that he had seen it blushing.
"My nature keeps me from taking benefit of food as humans do, but doesn't keep me from enjoying it... I wanted to drink something warm."
"Tea? Or maybe milk?"
"Oh... I don't know... Whatever you decide is good."
As he said that, Yue wanted to slap himself. What he wanted was a cup of hot chocolate; it had been so many years since the last time he had tasted it that he couldn't even remember the savor; but he couldn't say it. Yes, Yukito was right: he always associated the idea of hot chocolate with the feeling of being safe... no, with the certainty of being loved, that's what it was. Clow had made him hot chocolate whenever he had needed a display of affection that wasn't necessarily physical. He had had plenty of those too, but this drink that could grant him no benefit or damage was somehow a sign of love as real as the best of all caresses. He heard Touya handling something in the kitchen, probably the teapot, and resigned himself; yes, whatever Touya had chosen would be fine, any warm drink would be enough to drive the cold away...
"Here," said Touya after a few minutes.
Yue stared at the cup he offered, not daring to touch it.
"What's wrong?" asked Touya, alarmed at the entirely new expression in the angel's eyes.
"Chocolate..." Yue murmured.
"Yeah, well... I thought it would be appropriate. Oh, you don't like it, is that it? I'll make you something el...
Carefully, Yue took the cup in both his hands, as if fearing to break it. "With two marshmallows..." he added.
"Well... yes..."
"Thank you."
As he watched Yue drinking the chocolate, savoring it slowly and almost reverently as if performing a religious ceremony, Touya was about to forget his own cup of tea. "You like it?" he asked, fairly intrigued.
"Very much."
"Then... why I never see you eating or drinking anything? Yukito eats twice what a normal person does, and the yellow stuffed toy eats for four, but not you..."
Twice what a normal person does? Really? said Yukito.
"This... is something I save for special occasions," Yue said softly. "It's more precious for me this way."
"And... the bunny pajamas?"
"Those... are precious to Yukito," Yue replied, avoiding his gaze, but just as quickly smiled and looked at him in the eyes. "Yes, that's it. Those are his treasure and the hot chocolate is mine. I believe... we're starting to find some agreement, in a way to speak."
Each one giving up a little for the sake of both, said Yukito.
I don't think it was much of a sacrifice to you to drink a cup of chocolate, Yue replied keenly.
"Well... And what would you... both of you... like to do now? Maybe watch a good movie on TV. We could make some popcorn and watch it together."
Popcorn! Great idea! Yukito exclaimed.
What?
Well, I suppose the chocolate is more than enough for now... but I warn you that I'll have my revenge at breakfast.
Does this mean I can be in charge until tomorrow?
As long as you sleep in these pajamas.
Ouch.
Heh heh heh.
"So?" inquired Touya.
"The chocolate is enough," Yue grinned. "But the movie sounds like a good idea. What's programmed for today?"
One and half hour later, Touya noticed that the rain was losing strength, but then it was night already. He thought about making a remark about it to Yue, but found that the Guardian had fallen asleep at some point, head resting on his shoulder and a tender smile slightly curving his lips.
He caressed the silver hair gently; yes, it shined as bright and fascinating as always, maybe helped by the combing, or for the fair improvement in Yue's mood.
Vaguely, he wondered if he should carry him to the bedroom, but he felt so cozy right now...
Without realizing it, Touya began dozing off as well.
Now the only thing missing is a tale... Yukito commented.
Cuddling closer to Touya, Yue grinned at the evil satisfaction in finding that he was able to give his alter ego a mental whack on the head.
Hey! Yukito protested.
Let's save the tale for another occasion, Yue pointed out. I have my chocolate, you have your hug and he has us both in your precious pajamas; it's enough for now... There'll be time for other things.
-owari-